Looks can be deceiving. This is a picture of the new Xochitl. The one that realized she's an adult.
I'm not entirely sure when this happened. I was looking over my crazy schedule yesterday and I had accomplished everything. In fact, I felt good- but it was like "daily good" not "woot! I accomplished something!" good. And.... okay, I don't know where I was going with that...
Anyway... I had nothing on my "to do" list so I took a minute to ponder my life in it's current state. I've been thinkin' about marriage a lot lately. Like, a lot. Not in relation to a specific person or a specific relationship, just thinkin' about it. When I was in high school I was pretty sure that I wouldn't get married before 25. I had the idea that I couldn't get married without having several years of life experience behind me. I wanted to have skills, talents, and experiences to bring to the altar instead of just myself. You are thinking to yourself "well duh Xoch. It's you- you're all logical and weird like that." and you're right- this is a very logical approach to marriage. I've never been a sucker for the "happily ever after" in fairy tales.
So here I am thinkin' about my life, and I had an epiphany:
The experiences I'm having now are giving me the skills I want to bring to the altar. I'm oober-involved in this thing called life and it's through this involvement that I'm being prepared for marriage. Being President of NSLS, taking classes, paying bills, living with different people, learning about different people, and going on dates with an interesting mix of boyish-men.... it's all preparing me in some way.
I can't look at my experiences and pinpoint which ones have prepared me- I just know that I want to go out on a limb. I'm ready to be in a legit relationship... none of this "date here and there" crap. I want to find someone to spend the eternities with, and I'm not scared! I can't really explain it. I just know that "the M-word" isn't that big of a deal to me. I want it, I look forward to it, and I know it's not far away. Crazy, right? Heavenly Father sure knows what he's doing when it comes to my life!
If I say "I'm all grown up!" does that make it a false statement by default? I know I've got lots to learn still and I can never be 100% prepared for the future, but I can confidently say that the Lord is preparing me for something great, and marriage seems to be a part of that.