As you know, I graduate in less than 3 weeks (17 days exactly). WOOT! I can taste the sweetness of being done already! That being said, I've been applying for jobs and trying to decide what to do after graduation. A mission has been lingering at the back of my mind for a good long while it seems, and after prayerful consideration and fasting I decided that I am going to go! I'll start my papers in May when I return to Salt Lake, and then it's work work work until I can leave in the fall.
Strange things have been happening to me since I made this big decision.
The first is that I had a mini freakout in which I thought I didn't have a strong enough testimony to go. While I was having this episode, I realized that that just wasn't the case! Satan sure is workin' hard if he thinks he can make me stay here by putting doubts in my mind! I know the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints teaches the true nature of our spirits and our indebtedness to our Savior Jesus Christ. NOTHING can change this truth for me!
The second hang-up was that I suddenly was afraid that I would set my heart on going and then something dreadful would come up that would prevent me from actually entering the field- you know, something like cancer or mental illness or marriage or something :) As I think about it though, if any of those things were to happen to me it would be okay. I have the faith to put my life on hold because of my faith in the Lord, so I can also have the faith to stay if something comes up that prevents me from serving a full 18 month mission. If my ancestors were able to drop everything they knew and loved and cared about in order to move to a desert in the middle of nowhere because their faith meant more to them than their circumstances, then why can't I have the same faith to stay if that is where the Lord wants me?
Since I've made this decision, life seems to be falling into place. I scored 2 jobs- one for now and one for the summer- within 2 weeks after I made the mission decision. I have felt more inclined to participate and learn in my mission prep class. I have had more opportunities to share my beliefs because I'm LOOKING for those opportunities. The Lord keeps blessing me at every turn and I can't express how grateful I am for such displays of love and approval.
I was talking to my Bishop about institute stuff (not really related to my mission), and seemingly out-of-the-blue he starts talking to me about not putting on blinders- Mr. Right is out there and I need to be aware of that. Well, that's fine and dandy. It's so strange, but I don't feel confused by this advice. I still wonder if I will "make it" to the mission field, but conversations like this do nothing to break my resolve. It's like I needed to get off the fence and show that I have the faith to go on a mission in order to see that I also will have the faith to stay if that's where the Lord needs me to be. I'll go where you want me to go, dear Lord. I'll be what you want me to be. If that means a mission, as I currently feel, then I'll leave as soon as possible. If that means another adventure somewhere else, then I'll accept that path and continue to strive to be in line with the Lord's plan for me. I find that trying to be aligned with Him can save me a lot of time and frustration- I might as well stick with that :)
I'm so excited to serve, I'm so excited to keep progressing, and I'm so glad that I can confidently say that my life is in His hands! I wouldn't want it any other way :)
Thanks for reading :)